on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
