She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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