Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
