Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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