So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
