Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
