I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
