Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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