Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
