pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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