I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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