that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
