dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize