i already hear my dad disowning me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
