haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
