so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.