if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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