Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she peed on how many people?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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