Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
