another moral hangover. fuck.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
