my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
