She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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