I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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