and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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