I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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