Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk is not a location!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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