If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.