I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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