Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
