we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she looked like the before picture.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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