He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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