Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry hummingbird hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

Fav 7 2417 1118
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.

Fav 53 2914 4702
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(626): View more from California

It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.

Fav 17 7100 1201
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?

Fav 6 2511 964
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone

Fav 11 3193 941
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

Fav 6 1188 567
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.

Fav 3 685 473
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.

Fav 1 258 183
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..

Fav 1 11 42
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT