at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
