I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
