I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
a search helicopter?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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