im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I deserve this hangover.
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