I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
