marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
