The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
