Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
