I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
