She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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