I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
