The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We have started to decorate penises.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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