You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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