Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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