There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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