I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
