my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Shame is for Republicans.
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