she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
