worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
