Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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