you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
