We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
