I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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