Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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