Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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