I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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