Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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