I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
